Fourth Of July

Kaylee and I have a tradition of hanging out on the 4Th of July. And by hanging out I mean we get hammered, sometimes pass out before the fireworks have gone off and make awesome day-drinking decisions that aren't so awesome the next day ... and this year was no exception. 

We had planned to go to her grandma's beach house in Mission Beach which has been our usual hang out in prior years but instead opted to switch things up and go on our friend Brian's boat in Coronado Bay.

Are reasoning for abandoning our previous plans were such:

• We would be taken care of by friends who would not allow us to make bad day-drinking decisions.
  
• The food was free.
  
• The alcohol was free.
• We wouldn't have to pretend to act sober around her grandma.
• The alcohol was free.

And so on Friday the 3rd we spent the night at our friend Brian's house in Mission Valley since we planned to get up early the next day in order to enjoy a full day of sun, drinking and boating.

FYI: Our fourth of July tradition also entails enjoying a few too many cocktails the night before. 

And so only to keep the tradition alive, not because we are alcoholics, we decided it would only seem fit to consume a few adult beverages throughout the course of the night. Some of our friends came over to also partake in the drinking festivities and the night began.

We proceeded to play drinking games and get Brian's 19-year-old sister in the mix -- who ended up drinking us under the table like a champ and claim that no matter how strong we made the drink it was not strong enough.

Since Kaylee had to go to work at 4:30 the next morning I decided I would drink for the both of us and allow her to go to sleep at the reasonable hour of 2:00 a.m.  Now while I may not remember the exact sequence of events I do remember loudly playing Shakira in Spanish and impressing everyone by reciting the lyrics.  And by everyone I mean anyone who was listening and by everyone who was listening I mean I impressed myself since no one was listening. 

I proceeded to stay up until 5:00 a.m. in order to see Kaylee off to work and then pass out. 

I was abruptly awoken at 9:00 a.m. by some friends who had the bright idea of not getting hammered the night before but instead opting to drink on the fourth. 

I wanted to die. 

I didn't think I could make it through the day.

But being the amazing person I am I toughed it out and we picked up Kaylee at the Waterfront and headed down to the dock. 

Now all of Brian's family was there but since they have seen me through my fair share of rough nights I knew I could not embarrass myself.  That is until I realized in addition to his immediate family, his parents friends was there.  I knew then and there that I was going to make an ass out of myself as I do not have a filter when I get tipsy.

We took one of the boats out on a run and went tubing.  That was my first mistake.  As I got into the cool ocean water I immediately started thinking of the Jaws theme song everyone is so fond of and tried to climb back in the boat.  But they wouldn't let me. I started hyperventilating as even the beer at that point couldn't calm my nerves. I thought the next best thing was to get on the tube. I felt a bit of security when I climbed on it.  

The next mistake I made was riding on a one person tube with Kaylee as we both nudged for positioning so that we wouldn't fall off into the depths of the deep blue sea and get eaten by Jaws.

I have never had a tighter grip on something in my life, my knuckles turned white and I promised myself no matter what I would not fall off that damn tube. I'm pretty sure I would of pushed a small child or puppy off the tube if it meant that I would be safe and secure on it.

In the end we both did not fall off and we got safely back onto the boat, immediately popped open a cold one and lit a smoke after our tubing success.

We went back to the dock and ate.

Now Kaylee, unknown to me, snuck off and passed out in Brian's parents yacht.  So Brian, me, and his two friends decided to take the boat on yet another run. It was all fun and games until we were out in the middle of the ocean far away from the dock and a line got stuck in the engine and both the engine's would not turn back on.

Shit.

I was soaking wet and it felt like it was below zero outside.  We had to put it in neutral and put the whole way back.

My life flashed before my eyes, my teeth were chattering and I thought I was going to die right there in the middle of the ocean.

By now it was dark outside and no one could see us as the fireworks were about to begin.  I curled into the fetal position and started yelling help to anyone or thing that passed by. The boys yelled at me to shut up but we were stuck out there in the middle of the ocean with no more alcohol or a lighter. What would you do?

I started panicking. Luckily I screamed loud enough so that someone heard me and we got a lighter. I felt a bit more at ease.

Three freezing hours later we got back to the dock and I have never felt so great in my life. I still think I should call into the show "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and tell them my story. I would definitely be on it.

Mind you this whole time Kaylee was peacefully sleeping in the warm confines of Brian's parents boat.

Perhaps next year Kaylee and I will stick to our usual plan of going to the beach house so at least then I won't almost die by getting stuck in the middle of the ocean.

June 26 Weekend Of Whit's Wedding

So a lot has happened in the past month and I am sorry I have neglected to write about it but I have been exhausted from writing all day at work and driving 40 minutes each way in that god for saken thing called traffic.

Anyways I will try and catch you up to the best of my memory.

Please note: many of the weekends I am going to speak about involved some sort of alcohol and so I may not remember every detail.

Another note: Grandma and Mama no I am not an alcoholic I only write about funny and fun things in my blog which just so happen to involve alcohol.

The weekend of June 26 was my best friend Whitney's wedding and if you know anything about the Holum family you knew it was going to be a blast.

On Friday night we had the rehearsal at her house and rehearsal dinner shortly thereafter at Marechiaro's -- where I used to work for about two weeks.

Upon getting to Whit's house around 5:00 pm I was happily greeted by the groom-to-be who was carrying an 18 pack of Coors Light. I don't know who I was more happy to see, him or the wonderful thing that is beer. So being the nice gal I am I gladly helped him out by lightening the load he was carrying and grabbing an ice cold beverage. There is nothing better than an ice cold beer after a long day of work -- or rather a long day of pretending like I am working whenever my boss pops in.

I mingled with everyone and about three beers and one shot of Patron in we were about to begin the rehearsal. All the girls gathered in the Holum house and I don't know who suggested it -- seeing that most of the bridesmaids have the same fondness of alcohol that I have -- but before I knew it Patron was being put in shot glasses for eight girls and the father of the bride-to-be.

We cheered and took it down like champs. All of a sudden the mother of the bride-to-be charged in downed a shot and ran back out to take part in her part of the rehearsal. Classic.

After the rehearsal was over I proceeded to take another shot but this time with a few of the groomsmen and the night began.

I caught a ride to Marechiaro's with some friends and got seated. Luckily for me the Champagne bottle was directly in front of my seat but unfortunately for me I sat next to the grooms brother who proceeded to hit on me the whole night with such phrases as:

"Do you want to stay local tonight?"

"My brother and your best friend are getting married let's celebrate the two of us tonight."

And so on.....

I'll have a double now please. Now.

I drank at an unreasonably rate after I was stuck next to the drunken brother who tried to get fresh with me by periodically stroking my arm to which I swatted off.

My sole effort that night was to try and avoid any awkwardness but of course I always attract the very best of men and by best of men I mean 32-year-old men who have children, comb their hair over and turn bright red and sweaty when they drink.

I ducked out and went back home.

The next day was the wedding.

I woke up picked up my dress, got my nails done and drove down to Whit's house to get ready.

Upon arriving there I went to her neigbors house where all the girls were getting ready and I don't know if they knew I was coming but there where three bottles of patron, limes already cut and everything.

Dear Jesus,

I love you.

Love Brittany

I took two shots with Whit before I even got my hair done and had a couple of cocktails. I was feeling pretty good and I'm sure all of the other bridesmaids were too.

The whole day leading up to the wedding was amazing. Cocktails, laughs and cries were aplenty. Whitney's hair looked amazing and she was beautiful.

As the guests arrived all the girls huddled into the Holum house to prepare to walk down the aisle outside. The Patron kept flowing and I believe we all took about three more shots with the father of the bride before even walking out. It sounded like girls gone wild in the house as we screamed everytime we took a shot.

Please note: We are only products of where our parents raised us.... good 'ol east county.

The ceremony began and I couldn't stop crying Whitney looked so pretty and her husband Alex looked hansome. The ceremony was perfect with its fair share of laughs and cries. And in the blink of an eye it was over and Whitney Holum was now Whitney Benjamin.

And so the reception began.

I don't remember how much I drank but I looked like I was having fun in all the pictures that surfaced the next week or so. We danced, drank and drank some more. My mom even got involved in the drinking aspect of the night.

The following things may or may not have happened during the wedding:

The best man sleeping with the mexican maid in the bushes.

The mexican maid falsely accusing me of throwing up in Whitney's bathroom.

Me freaking with the father-of-the-bride.

Me talking to people I have not seen in years and having no idea what I said to them.

One of the bridesmaids falling off a swing.

The groom asking me to not let Whitney drink that much because he wants her to be able to make it down the aisle.

The bride needing to take a poop before she went down the aisle only to realize it was a false alarm.

It was seriously the best wedding ever, I wouldn't have changed a thing and I'm sure Whitney feels the same. This one is for the record books.