Fourth Of July

Kaylee and I have a tradition of hanging out on the 4Th of July. And by hanging out I mean we get hammered, sometimes pass out before the fireworks have gone off and make awesome day-drinking decisions that aren't so awesome the next day ... and this year was no exception. 

We had planned to go to her grandma's beach house in Mission Beach which has been our usual hang out in prior years but instead opted to switch things up and go on our friend Brian's boat in Coronado Bay.

Are reasoning for abandoning our previous plans were such:

• We would be taken care of by friends who would not allow us to make bad day-drinking decisions.
  
• The food was free.
  
• The alcohol was free.
• We wouldn't have to pretend to act sober around her grandma.
• The alcohol was free.

And so on Friday the 3rd we spent the night at our friend Brian's house in Mission Valley since we planned to get up early the next day in order to enjoy a full day of sun, drinking and boating.

FYI: Our fourth of July tradition also entails enjoying a few too many cocktails the night before. 

And so only to keep the tradition alive, not because we are alcoholics, we decided it would only seem fit to consume a few adult beverages throughout the course of the night. Some of our friends came over to also partake in the drinking festivities and the night began.

We proceeded to play drinking games and get Brian's 19-year-old sister in the mix -- who ended up drinking us under the table like a champ and claim that no matter how strong we made the drink it was not strong enough.

Since Kaylee had to go to work at 4:30 the next morning I decided I would drink for the both of us and allow her to go to sleep at the reasonable hour of 2:00 a.m.  Now while I may not remember the exact sequence of events I do remember loudly playing Shakira in Spanish and impressing everyone by reciting the lyrics.  And by everyone I mean anyone who was listening and by everyone who was listening I mean I impressed myself since no one was listening. 

I proceeded to stay up until 5:00 a.m. in order to see Kaylee off to work and then pass out. 

I was abruptly awoken at 9:00 a.m. by some friends who had the bright idea of not getting hammered the night before but instead opting to drink on the fourth. 

I wanted to die. 

I didn't think I could make it through the day.

But being the amazing person I am I toughed it out and we picked up Kaylee at the Waterfront and headed down to the dock. 

Now all of Brian's family was there but since they have seen me through my fair share of rough nights I knew I could not embarrass myself.  That is until I realized in addition to his immediate family, his parents friends was there.  I knew then and there that I was going to make an ass out of myself as I do not have a filter when I get tipsy.

We took one of the boats out on a run and went tubing.  That was my first mistake.  As I got into the cool ocean water I immediately started thinking of the Jaws theme song everyone is so fond of and tried to climb back in the boat.  But they wouldn't let me. I started hyperventilating as even the beer at that point couldn't calm my nerves. I thought the next best thing was to get on the tube. I felt a bit of security when I climbed on it.  

The next mistake I made was riding on a one person tube with Kaylee as we both nudged for positioning so that we wouldn't fall off into the depths of the deep blue sea and get eaten by Jaws.

I have never had a tighter grip on something in my life, my knuckles turned white and I promised myself no matter what I would not fall off that damn tube. I'm pretty sure I would of pushed a small child or puppy off the tube if it meant that I would be safe and secure on it.

In the end we both did not fall off and we got safely back onto the boat, immediately popped open a cold one and lit a smoke after our tubing success.

We went back to the dock and ate.

Now Kaylee, unknown to me, snuck off and passed out in Brian's parents yacht.  So Brian, me, and his two friends decided to take the boat on yet another run. It was all fun and games until we were out in the middle of the ocean far away from the dock and a line got stuck in the engine and both the engine's would not turn back on.

Shit.

I was soaking wet and it felt like it was below zero outside.  We had to put it in neutral and put the whole way back.

My life flashed before my eyes, my teeth were chattering and I thought I was going to die right there in the middle of the ocean.

By now it was dark outside and no one could see us as the fireworks were about to begin.  I curled into the fetal position and started yelling help to anyone or thing that passed by. The boys yelled at me to shut up but we were stuck out there in the middle of the ocean with no more alcohol or a lighter. What would you do?

I started panicking. Luckily I screamed loud enough so that someone heard me and we got a lighter. I felt a bit more at ease.

Three freezing hours later we got back to the dock and I have never felt so great in my life. I still think I should call into the show "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and tell them my story. I would definitely be on it.

Mind you this whole time Kaylee was peacefully sleeping in the warm confines of Brian's parents boat.

Perhaps next year Kaylee and I will stick to our usual plan of going to the beach house so at least then I won't almost die by getting stuck in the middle of the ocean.