Random Thoughts While Stuck in Traffic

As I was in the midst of what would amount to be a 3 hour and 45 minute drive from Los Angeles to San Diego (after having my mouth drilled on by a dentist who after finishing screwing a metal screw into my mouth presumed to hit on me as I was actively drooling on myself from the numerous novacaine shots) I began to ponder all sorts of random things.

Perhaps I was attempting to deter my mind from the not so healthy things I was contemplating doing while at a complete stop on the freeway: would it be more fun to A. slam my car into the car in front of me or B. burn myself in the eye with a lit ciggarette? I quickly realized while both of these masochistic ideas would at the time be more fun and enertaining than traffic, they might not be the best ideas I have ever had.

So rather than be destructive I switched my mindset to be more constructive with all this wonderful time I found on my hands.

And so while looking out my window at the gang graffitti that painted the walls lining the freeway - one of which proclaimed "I love Octomom," - I thought "Self, wouldn't it be great if there were a type of concrete, plaster or building material that would not allow paint to stick to it so the un-artistic graffitti wouldn't litter the walls of the great state of California."


After realizing I was retarded I quickly moved away from this idea since it seems way too farfetched and ridiculous. And so I decided instead that when I got home I would start my own gang. I knew that I would have at least five people in my gang from the start.

The first being my baby brother because he is pretty gangster and is down to punk a kid off the swing set and push them off the slide and shit. With him we would run the playgrounds in San Diego, punking all the 3-4 year olds and stealing their lunches then selling them back to their parents for some sort of income. We would even graffitti in chalk claiming our territory.

The second person I knew would join my gang is my little sister Heleyna. She is half mexican and that alone is intimidating to the 9-10 year old white kids that frequent schools. With her we would run the 4th and 5th graders, forcing them to hand over their recreational drugs and force them to then push their own product on the streets of El Cajon. If they didn't do what we told them to we would get real gangster and tell them Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were not going to come unless they followed what we said.

The next two that I knew would be in my gang are Charlie and Stella. If any of you know Charlie he is down to take a bite out of a bitch and Stella is down to cut a bitch, she already does what I tell her to and if I told her to kill someone she would. With them in hand we would rule the dog parks pushing the dogs around stealing their bones and shit. Charlie would mark our territory for us as he frequently does on the grass or when he lift his leg on people's flowers.

This idea could work and instead of forcing my followers to drink purple kool aid we would drink red kool aid minus the cyanide because whats the point in killing off the only people who believe in what you believe in? Too bad Jim Jones learned the hard way.