This Crazy Little Thing Called My Life

To make a long story short my life has been a little hectic as of late. 

But to avoid all the boring details as to why on a daily basis I contemplate ways in which I can torture others to make myself feel better I will just explain how my week has gone thus far. 

On Monday I spent the night at my friend Brian's house. I brought my dogs with me and had to keep Charlie contained in Brian's room as at times he will bite innocent bystanders. I then proceeded to not only make Brian feel unwelcome in his own room, since Charlie would threaten his life him every time he walked in,  I took over Brian's bedroom as Charlie claimed it as his own. Kaylee, Krista, Charlie, Stella and I all slept together while Brian took the couch. 

And in case you didn't know, that many people and/or animals in one bed is not the most comfortable way to sleep. I believe laying in the middle of the street as cars swerved around to avoid hitting  me would be more peaceful than sleeping with my two friends who proceeded to stick their feet in my face while making weird noises in their sleep.   

On Tuesday night I spent the night in Alpine at Kaylee's house and if situations could not get worse Charlie tried to commit suicide by trying to make friends with a horse. The little angel presumed to go in the stall with a horse known to kick dogs in the head. Luckily my death threats to Charlie paid off as he did not get kicked in the head.

Kaylee and I made dinner, which consisted of hamburger helper and frozen corn, and watched "He's Just Not That Into You." While it was supposed to be a comedy, I didn't find anything funny about it as every situation made me realize why I am still single. I would consider it more of an informational movie as to why all of my relationships have failed.

On Wednesday night I again spent the night with Kaylee but this time it was at her beach house. Things were starting to look up as the kids and I were couch surfing in style. But I then thought it was a good idea to drink massive amounts of alcohol by myself. While trying to peer pressure my friends into falling off the wagon with me I presumed to drink myself under the table. Apparently peer pressure doesn't work on anyone except for me. For example you don't even have to pressure me to drink, I have adopted Nike's moto and just do it...on a nightly basis.

Note To Self: Drinking on a work night is not a great idea. Not only are you extremely hungover and very unproductive at work but you contemplate ways to kill your coworkers which is very unhealthy and psychotic. 

But back to Wednesday night. I presumed to proposition this guy who I thought was cute at the time in passing to come over and hang out. I got a free bottle of champagne that night but the next day I had to try and reason with Kaylee and myself that he was cute. 

Another Note to Self: when you have to reason with yourself that a guy is cute chances are he is not. 

I spent the night on Thursday again at Kaylee's beach house. Kaylee and I presumed to stay on the wagon and not consume any alcoholic beverages. It was hard at first but I was glad I had someone there to comfort me during the shakes. We went to bed relatively early but I woke up this morning more tired than ever. I went to work and that was uneventful and depressing as Kaylee texted me numerous times telling me to come home. 

Dear Kaylee, 

I can't come home I have to fucking work but thanks for making sure I know that you are home taking naps and relaxing. 

Love, Brittany

P.S. I hate you. 

My friends try to ruin my life everyday. I think I need new friends.

Hopefully this weekend will be more eventful, as my boring life is deterring me from being funny in my blogs, but until then: Don't get caught drinking while driving and spay and neuter your pets.