Weekender

After working for what seemed to be a month straight in a Chinese sweat shop, but what realistically only amounted to be a normal 9-5 work week, I was hell bent and ready to go out on the town.

I had not been out in two weeks and so despite being deathly tired after a long day I put on another layer of makeup, took a Mexican shower - and for those of you who don't know what it is, it is another application of deodorant followed by spraying on a lot of perfume - and then went to Mission Valley.

Jenny came over and so I grabbed a drink for the road and we were off to my friend Brian's house to go in the jacuzzi and consume more than enough alcoholic beverages.

Upon arriving to Brian's house I saw that the boys were spray painting blank canvas' so of course I decided it would be a great idea to get in on the action and spray paint while already intoxicated. Of course that didn't end up being the best idea as I already am artistically challenged and with alcohol involved it was a disaster waiting to happen. Mind you Brian and his friends are trained artists and know what they're doing, me on the other hand....not so much. We drank, danced, drank some more, painted, and had a great night with great friends...or at least I think that's what happened.

Kaylee and I ended up passing out in Brian's bed and I woke up the next morning to the utterly horrifc sight that is Kaylee without makeup, after too little sleep and drool crust covering the corners of her mouth. At first glimpse I was wondering where the hell I was and why the hell was Kaylee laying next to me instead of one of the hot men that frequented Brian's house.

I then thought to myself:

"SELF: perhaps there were not any cute men present and instead those wretched beer goggles tried to ruin your life again by tricking you into thinking that a bald, overweight-divorcee is actually attractive."

I then smiled as I became pleased with myself that in my drunken stupor I made the executive decision to pass out before I did something I would regret. Yay me.

Kaylee and I (in Brian's bed minus Brian) looked over the edge to see him passed out in his boxers on the ground next to his bed. Operation find a comfortable place to sleep at someone else's house, perhaps stealing their bed in the process, was a success. However the joke was on me as I ended up with more paint on me than on the painting I made and woke up to people laughing at me because unbenounced to me I had paint all over my arm which had rubbed off onto my face during my peaceful-passed out sleep.

I also had drawings covering my arms as apparently I had asked people to draw on me because at the time I thought it was cool. The morning after was another story. I looked like I had a rough night, and not the good kind, as I couldn't get off the paint despite scrubbing in the shower for 15 minutes until my arm felt like it was going to fall off.

After chugging two glasses of water and praying to God to make me feel better, we went to The Waterfront for breakfast to see Kaylee who was working that day.

Note to self: going to a bar for breakfast while hungover = bad idea.

I put my arms on the counter and plopped my head between them all while yelling at Kaylee "Excuse me mam our service is horrible; excuse me I need water; I need better service, this place sucks etc. etc"

Please note: If you work anywhere in public do yourself a favor and do not tell me where it is at as I will come in, make an ass out of myself and take everyone down with me.

But the food was amazing and Kaylee got off shortly thereafter so we ditched the boys and went to her beach house.

Now any sane person who goes to the beach would actually walk onto the sand and lay in the sun by the ocean but not Kaylee and I. Despite the beautiful day we presumed to nap inside for a good two hours. After we couldn't sleep any longer I rolled over to Kaylee and said "Ok now lets get really drunk," and I know she will be a lifelong friend because to that she said "Sounds great."

And so around 2:30 p.m. we made our first drink of the day. (The beer we consumed at 11:00 a.m. doesn't count because that was just to cure the hangover). We care so much about our health that we decided to make vodka/crans because as per us "The cranberry juice will clean out our system while we drink!"

The rest of the day is pretty much a blur. I know more people came over and I ended up pissing off a lot of people because according to my friends I'm a mean drunk. I do remember that Melissa came over and Kaylee and I happened to be fighting at the time. Kaylee and I frequently fight during our drunken times as usually one of four things happen:

A. She is being a bitch
B. I am being a bitch
C. She becomes very sentimental
D. Refer to B.

Melissa then told both of us that we were being ridiculous and that she really needed a beer especially after dealing with our drama. So we made up, continued our drinking and I continued my mean-drunk state.

True fact: one of our friends who happens to be black was making fun of my tattoo and so I presumed to tell him he is just jealous because he can't get a color tattoo. When he asked me why I told him it was because he was tanner than most people. Seriously who does that?

Note to self: try to think before I talk.

I went home to my mom's house later Saturday and was locked out. After knocking on the door for 20 minutes praying to Babe Ruth that my step-dad didn't wake up and my baby brother didn't wake up either, my mom let me in. We talked till 2 a.m. about life and it was a great talk.

I woke up around 12:30 p.m. on Sunday and tried to cure my ailing body and liver both of who punished me the whole day for my sleep deprivation and alcoholic-like tendencies.

And then today I went to work. Is it Friday yet?

P.S. I am going to try to be a nicer person when I drink.

P.P.S. Keyword in the last statement was "Try."